Especial: Éxitos del pasado

Actualidad 29 de marzo del 2008

 

 

”GETT OFF”
Prince

”Let me show you baby I’m a talented boy!” Y’all, Prince is off his rocker in this song, but it makes me giggle, especially the part where he asks his comely female guest what she’d like to eat before they get freaky-naughty, and then scoffs, ”Toy, I don’t serve ribs!” What? It’s either ridiculous or brilliant, but the funky flute, heavy drums, and playful backing vocals from New Power Generation’s Rosie Gaines make me lean toward the latter.

 

 

”SHE BOP”
Cyndi Lauper

Oh, Cyndi, not only are you so unusual, you are so wink-wink clever. Of course, at age eight I did not know that this crazy-catchy, almost-nursery-rhyme-ish song was about lovin’ on yourself ? actually, I didn’t really realize that until I was a full-grown adult singing the lyrics off a screen at a karaoke party. (”Hey, wait a minute…!”)

 

 

”AA XXX”
Peaches

The lyrics are almost tame compared to her raunchy, S&M-flirting hit, ”F— the Pain Away.” But Peaches delivers this song in such a joyless, self-deprecating monotone (”Only double A / thinking triple X”), it’s the perfect complement to all the over-the-top, over-adrenalized, over-sexed songs elsewhere on this list.

 

 

”ROCKET QUEEN”
Guns N’ Roses

This had to make the list, if only because Axl went out of his way to make whoopee with the drummer’s girlfriend, just so that they could include sex soundbites in this tune. Ahh, it’s all in a day’s work

 

 

”I TOUCH MYSELF”
Divinyls

Amazing as it was that a song about the art of self-gratification could annex mainstream radio in 1990, it’s almost more amazing that the same band will be touring this December, 17 years later. Now that’s what I call touching.

 

 

”JE T’AIME…MOI NON PLUS”
Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin

A mournful Wurlitzer organ leads us into this Gallic scorcher, showcasing Gainsbourg’s throaty chanson delivery and, most notoriously, Birkin’s breathy moans of ecstasy (long rumored to have been captured during a lovemaking session between the two). Released in 1969, the song was immediately denounced by the Vatican, and would later have its influence on Donna Summer’s disco staple ”Love to Love You Baby.” Best line: ”Tu es la vague, moi l’?le nue” (”You are the wave, I am the naked island.”)

 

 

”YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG”
AC/DC

”She was a fast machine / She kept her motor clean.” You know immediately what you’re getting from this song: pure testosterone. It’s so hot that even this 2002 Divas Las Vegas cover by Celine Dion (with Anastacia) couldn’t cool me off. Completely.

 

 

”SEXUAL HEALING”
Marvin Gaye

Roses and candles? Puhleez. Just throw a little Marvin Gaye on the boom box. And if you’re in need of a little extra healing, check out Ben Harper’s cover of this classic song

 

 

”RED LIGHT SPECIAL”
TLC

What’s the red light special, you ask? Well, if you must know, it has something to do with red light bulbs and S.E.X. Check out the video in all its colorful silk-pajama glory. And watch how the men become the meat for a change. I’m digging on that.

 

 

”DO ME!”
Bel Biv Devoe

I was 14 when BBD’s Poison album dropped in 1990. I was so proud that I knew every word to Biv’s verse about moving my booty to the Jacuzzi and Ronnie’s rap about…what I just now realized is ”technically” statutory rape. Oops.

 

 

”FLOWER”
Liz Phair

”Every time I see your face, I think of things unpure, unchaste” doesn’t even begin to describe the rest of the lyrics in the song ”Flower” from Liz Phair’s first album, Exile in Guyville. I’d never heard such things pouring out of an indie rocker’s mouth before, and a female’s at that. Even though by now we’ve grown used to honest, graphic banter from Liz, this song can still make you blush and giggle as you sing along.

 

 

”BABY GOT BACK”
Sir Mix-A-Lot

I’m pretty sure Sir Mix-A-Lot wasn’t rapping about reptiles when he said ”My anaconda don’t want none unless it’s got buns, hun.” Here’s a man who knows what he wants, and that he won’t find it on the girls on the cover of Vogue magazine: a large, voluptuous, well-rounded personality.

 

 

”MY NECK, MY BACK (LICK IT)”
Khia

Less adventurous listeners might clutch their pearls upon hearing the unedited version of Khia’s 2002 hit, ”My Neck, My Back (Lick It),” then gasp, ”Lick your what and your what?” But really, in a world where Fitty can take you to the ”Candy Shop” and score a No. 1 hit, why not give in and give props to a confident woman who knows what she wants, and isn’t above giving some of the most raunchy, ribald, and extremely specific instructions in the history of popular music to ensure she gets it.

 

 

”PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH”
Akinyele

I was in high school when this song came out, and all of us would go around freely singing it wherever we went, without really thinking about what it was we were saying. Why the funny looks, ma’am? The hook was so catchy we forgot how terrible the lyrics were! At least both genders were represented…

 

 

”WORK IT”
Missy Elliott

The beats are fierce and her rhymes are inspired ? Missy has me dancing no matter how embarrassed some of her lyrics make me feel. ”Call before you come, I need to shave my chocha, you do or you don’t or you will or won’cha, go downtown and eat it like a vulcha.” She really went there!

 

 

”BIG BOTTOM”
Spinal Tap

You know what my favorite part of this Spinal Tap ode to the derriere is? (No, it’s not lines like ”How could I leave this behind?”) It’s the fact that every guitar on the track is a bass guitar. For the bigger bottom end.

 

 

”F— HER GENTLY”
Tenacious D

As a performer, Jack Black has never been one for subtlety, but this beautiful acoustic ballad ? complete with lilting strings and soaring melodies ? almost sneaks up on you. Until, of course, you listen to the filthy, filthy lyrics.

 

 

”CLOSER”
Nine Inch Nails

Yeah, it might have been edited for radio and MTV, but we all knew what Trent was really talking about.

 

 

“I SIT ON ACID”
Lords of Acid

This song may not have the pounding intensity of gabber techno, but that doesn’t mean their music isn’t raunchy. ”I Sit on Acid” starts out somewhat innocently with the line, ”Darling come here, f— me up the…” but that quickly unravels into ”Sit on your face / I want to sit on your face.” Hey, as long as it has a kicking beat, who cares what they say?

 

 

”WHY DON’T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD”
The Beatles

The moptops who in 1964 innocently asked to Hold Your Hand finally came clean about other intentions in 1968. And you can’t even blame cheeky John ”look at me naked with Yoko” Lennon; this one was all Paul, with an assist from Ringo, said to have been inspired by restlessness in the studio and the sight of a pair of lovebirds ? well, love monkeys ? going about their business in India. But credit where it’s due: Doing ”it” in the road perhaps makes this literally the dirtiest song on this list.

 

 

”MESS AROUND”
Ray Charles

I had heard ”Mess Around” plenty of times on the radio, and of course in the movie Ray, but it wasn’t until I heard the song during an episode of Dancing With the Stars that I realized how raunchy the song was for its time. I imagine prudish ’50s housewives blushing when they heard the lyrics ”Now you see that girl with that diamond ring / she knows how to shake that thing.” It may be relatively tame now, but the song either had listeners up in arms or on the dance floor.

 

 

”I WANNA SEX YOU UP”
Color Me Badd

When I was but a prepubescent youngster sitting in the backseat of my aunt’s car, ”I Wanna Sex You Up” came on the radio. To her horror, I proceeded to sing every word of the song. Even though I didn’t know what ”sexing someone up” entailed, I did know that I wanted to do it.

 

 

”SIT ON MY FACE”
Monty Python

Nothing says ”sexy” like a barbershop-quartet ode to oral stimulation, sung by a half-nude British comedy team. The Pythons lifted the melody from a Gracie Fields song and turned it into a deceptively raunchy tune. It may not get you in the mood, but the song gets props for being filthy and funny.

 

 

”ODE TO JOY”
Ludwig van Beethoven

There aren’t any words, not any that matter. (Some Latin mumbo-jumbo sneaks in there at some point.) No, what drives this is the primitively simple, immediately recognizable 14-note melody. You could pace almost anything to that music. Anything. Besides, what ”joy” do you think the deaf genius was talking about? Duh.